How to maintain a long distance friendship

When you are a child/teenager, your friends are the people who are with you day in, day out. You share everything together and your friendship grows from those shared experiences.

But adulthood changes that, those people move away for university, a job or love. Your best friend from work might decide to go travelling, your school friend might find a job is a new city.

Interesting people have an annoying habit of leaving to do interesting things.

Our society values romantic relationships above friendship but friendships can be just as meaningful and close as a relationship. The internet is full of advice on how to maintain a long-distance relationship. But what about a friendship?:

1) Stay in touch

Communication in any friendship is important. Use your preferred method of communication whether that is phone calls, WhatsApp or Instagram but make sure to talk on a below surface level. Sharing gifs or likes each other’s selfies is fun but you can’t maintain a whole friendship on that basis.

2) Share something

Why are you friends in the first place? It is shared love of a certain TV show, is it an old shared workplace? A passion for a certain hobby? Continue to share that together in whatever way you can, this could be watching a new show “together”, gossiping about what old colleagues are up to now, or sharing articles you might both enjoy.

3) Be empathic

Being left behind or leaving will create different emotions and challenges. The friend who staying in place may feel abandoned while the friend who is moving may need time to get to know their new place and settle in. Acknowledging these hurdles as well as how that your relationship will be different now will help you both feel supported and secure.

4) Turn up for each other

Remember important dates like birthdays and graduations. Try to see each other face to face whenever possible, even if it means meeting in the middle somewhere or grabbing a quick coffee in a train station. Send each other cards/ small presents. Do small and big action of kindness that show you are thinking of the other person and want to support each.

5) Know when to let go

Not all friendship can go the distance, some friendship are situational or you grow out of them. Know when to close the chapter on a friendship that has run its course, one that is no longer beneficial. Maybe the person will move back in the future and you can pick up where you left off? My mum’s university housemate moved back into her city a couple of years ago and now they are good friends again. Or maybe they were an important person in a certain part of your life but you now need that space for another person. That is ok. A friendship doesn't need to last forever to be a valued relationship.