How to beat loneliness, tips on making friends as an adult

A 2016 Finnish study found that men and women make more and more friends up to the age of 25 when the numbers begin falling rapidly, and then gradually decrease over the course of a person’s life. 

Women in particular lose them at an initially faster rate than men.

With loneliness and isolation the blight of our times, this can be a scary thought but we don’t have to let the research define us.

I made most of my friends in adulthood, many since I turned 25. I have grown a lot as a person since reaching adulthood and I can’t imagine not making new friends to reflect my newly discovered passions and character traits.

In the sprit of the month of love, here are six tips on making friends as an adult:

1) Don’t let chances pass you by

If you meet someone you click with, a friend of a friend at a party, a cool stranger at an event, an interesting neighbour, take that brave step of grabbing the opportunity to connect. Ask them to call around for coffee or add them on social media.

You will be surprised by how many potential friends you are already running into, often you just need to be brave and take the first step.

At the same time, remember to always be respectful of people's boundaries, don't send any messages you wouldn't want to receive and accept rejection gracefully.

2) Follow your passions

Join a club, evening class, or group where like minded people will be. It could be a painting workshop, the local WI, volunteering at a foodbank, a yoga class. It is easier to build a friendship with someone over a shared experience and it is easier to start a conversation about a shared interest. I have met many amazing people at feminist groups or book clubs where we were discussing a topic I was comfortable with, I find this is much easier then desperately trying to maintain small talk at a party.

3) Build a community on social media

In moments of isolation, the internet is where you can find your people. Even if you are from a small town or in a situation where it is difficult to get out and socialise, on the internet you can find people who share your joy for a niche TV show, your interest in a particular author or your wish for discussing particular ideas. These friendships can be just as valuable and intense as those formed in the “real world”. That being said don’t let them replace offline connection and shared offline experiences.    

4) Open yourself up

Making connections and building friendships mean making yourself vulnerable and open to reject. This can be terrifying, particularly if you have been burnt before. But only through putting yourself out there and letting others into your life and in on your plans can you develop the closeness and trust needed for friendship. Remember you can always start slowly and don’t be afraid to seek help in the form of therapy if needed.

5) Remember different people can bring different joys

Different friends bring different qualities and experiences to your life, it is ok to have one friend you party with, another friend you share a love of films with, one friend you turn to for advice. As long as every friendship is based on mutual respect and acceptance, we can actualise different parts of ourselves in different friendships. For me, the days of having one best friend I spend all my time with are over and that’s ok. We are all busy people after all and my friends are all awesome in different ways. We are all complicated people who need a variety of relationships and connections.

6) Listen and take an interest in people

Ask better questions and actively listen to the answers. Taking a genuine interest in a person, rather than just making polite small talk, is the best way to create more meaningful connections. If you find this difficult, think of a question in advance you can ask people. I try asking people why they do the job they do and why they like it, that has led me on to a real range of interesting conversions.

I hope these top tips help! Are there any you would add? Comment below!