A Feminist watches Love Island: episode 12 & 13 - Joe's emotionally abusive and controlling behaviour

In the last couple of episodes, Joe and Lucie have demonstrated how common controlling behaviour is within relationships. Lucie was probably hoping that once she demonstrated her commitment to him (by choosing him in the recoupling), Joe would stop emotionally manipulating her but that is not how men with controlling tendencies like Joe work.

Joe has repeatedly driven Lucie to tears over what he sees as her “strange” friendship with Tommy, he claims that her having male friends instead of female ones is “not cool.” He has been trying to gaslight her into thinking that this innocent friendship is “disrespecting him.” He has also tried to gaslight into doubting her own reaction to his behaviour by saying “I am not trying to change you” and then immediately trying to change her. His comment that he hopes she “wakes up today and change” really got to me.

This behaviour which begun within days of them becoming a couple is a good example of how quickly abusive behaviours can emerge within a relationship. Lucie mostly likely doesn’t realise that Joe’s behaviour is abusive and Joe most likely believes his behaviour is a justifiable reaction to her unreasonable conduct. It is difficult to stop the red flags of abuse when you are in the couple. This is the potential power of a show such as Love Island, we as the audience can see what is happening, we can discuss it on social media, we can learn the signs of abuse and empower ourselves to spot it in friends, family and our own relationships.

Adina Claire of domestic abuse charity Women's Aid has said on this topic: “Controlling behaviour is never acceptable.

“With Love Island viewers complaining about Joe’s possessive behaviour towards Lucie, more people are becoming aware of this and want to challenge it.

Abusive relationships often start off with subtle signs of control.”

As a society we have only recently recognised controlling behaviour as an abusive trait, coercive control was only included in the domestic violence laws in 2015. Most people are able to recognise and challenge physical violence within a relationship but there is still a widespread need for education around coercive control. Shows such as Love Island can be used by charities to inform the public and further that education in an accessible way.

However while this may be education for us as the audience, Lucie's wellbeing needs to come first.  This relationship needs to end; hopefully Joe will be kicked out on the next episode and be sent for lots of therapy. I hope he is given an opportunity to think about his behaviour patterns and work on himself.

If you would like advice from or to support a domestic abuse charity:

For general advice: Women's Aid

For sexual violence and access to a safe place: Solace 

For young people: #lovedontfeelbad